Sunrise for the soul

As you would know that I hail from jammu- the city of temples and the doorway to paradise on earth. And as I am not a very ghumakkad kind of person or should I say I never was when I lived in jammu full time so I was never that observant or aware about the beauty of jammu. Well in the past few years living in Bhopal I may have roe n number of times in the morning to see the sunrises, may be coz I learnt after moving there only that how beautiful the rising sun is, but back here in jammu where I spent nearly 20years of my life I never went to a sunrise point to observe and feel the true feel of a rising sun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This fast I broke today when I went to a sunrise point and believe me its walking distance from my home, Manda or the morning walkers paradise as people call it. And first time I came to know that the sunrise at my home town is more beautiful than the ones I saw from tekri or lake view. it was such  a picturesque view with ranges of mountains running one after other and bright light shining behind it. I sat on a stone with my face in my hands waiting for the sun. But its not long when the bright emerges from behind the peaks. What I see is a small brightly shining sun that seems like a gem shining out of the peaks. Rather I witness the whole transition of the sun which happens within seconds and I just sit there marveling at what I am seeing. It was such a marvelous experience that can’t be spelled. I see the sun coming out as if I am seeing some chicken popping out of its egg and sit there Just complimenting nature on its miracles and just being a witness.

It rather becomes more special when you have just a day before finished a Paulo coelho’s novel and its thinking is still alive in your mind rather a part of your mind. You thank, you thank for there is sun. For there ll be light and crops and water and light and harmony. You thank for the beauty that is crated by such phenomena. You thank for there ll always be such things. You thank for love manifests itself in such beauty. The universe talks you in a language that you probably don’t understand but you understand.  The nature tries to establish the contact and you thank it for that. You sit there mesmerized knowing that it ll be not there in next few minutes but assured that It ll be there the other day. You sit there , feel the energy, feel the beauty, feel it all and still feel incomplete. You get restless and your mind tells you that sunrise is over so its time to go. Like all the soul came there for was the sunrise. The soul fights back for its right but still the forces of the real world overpower and I return. The soul still manages to keep the spark from the rising sun and thus I keep the desire to go back tomorrow.

LOVE it is

Of all the topics in the world to write about, I choose love may be coz as Paulho Coelho says this is the most difficult topic to write about. For a considerable time of a human life is spent discovering what is love. According to me, for everyone according to his own. Every different individual may have a different interpretation of this word. And for everyone that interpretation may vary with time and space.

Now as it is, your thinking is always affected by your experiences or some incidences that touch your soul. And one of such incidences shapes up my perception of this word. In fact it was a little lecture by my teacher at my school Mrs S.K Bedi that was the cause of it. She said that idea that I now firmly believe in, as what the meaning of love is.

 What is the basis of this creation? You know what is the animal instinct in humans and higher animals the sets them apart. That is that they care. They care for those they love. If we see around us and observe that what we cxall love what we see is that people care. And we love people who care for us. Our parents may never say that they love you but what you see foremost is that they care. They care for you, for your needs that is why run around all their lives and earn so that you can live comfortably. Your friends who make your proxy in class without you telling them to, care for you, so that you don’t run short of attendance. A dog who you so call loves his master would do anything to save his masters belongings because he cares that his master does not loose anything. LOVE as we know it may not be put into words, may not be carved into something tangible, but it may be represented it in form of a feeling that is Care. Now whatever it may be. Your parents love for you, your friend’s love, your sibling’s love for you, your pet’s love for you   or that heart shaped love that we talk about with so much enthu these days. LOVE is that You CARE

My CAT Diary entry: only for the interested

This  all was written in my diary, I wrote after my CAT examThis all is in no particular order, has been written just as things came to my mind

“One thing that took over me in past half an year was CAT. Now that I look back at all those days what I see?

CAT It all started, I don’t know where, may be some event of Drishtant where I heard interesting things about MBA and cat preparation. All the mind boggles, IQ questions and all.So nascent in my thinking I was, that I took it as a piece of cake. But still things looked mushy this side and the love started. I felt it may be an escape for this may be what I may do after the boring engineering.And before I knew it I had started exploring the topic. I know, many seniors at Drishtant boosted it just by being such mavericks whom you look and think “ if people like this are MBA aspirants than what I d like least is to be an MBA aspirant in true sense.”

Things got serious for me in the second semester itself for people said read. Read what? Novels ……. Yeaaaaak. No matter how fancy the name seems but still they are bbbbbooks. Well anyhow I started with 1 nite at the call centre. Took 12 days to complete it……..I didn’t know at that time but when I look back now I see that the foundation was laid at that moment when I borrowed the book from my roommate.

I was not a hard working guy and never did think I can focus on anything …. But the complaints are there no more. I don’t still know what ll be the results but still one thing this cat has given me is that I have understood myself more and I respect myself now. Love is different, everyone loves oneself but respect is what actually we fight for in this world. Its not that I never respected myself or didn’t have faith in me, but never in such abundance. I had a strong faith always but never had anything concrete for myself out of it . CAT brought that with it.

FLASHBACK- I still remember the day anuranjan shetty [one of my good good seniors] forwarded me a message that he was forwarded by someone sayin

7 reasons why I want to do cat:-

I want revenge from myself

1. I like to study even on holidays
2. I like to stay away from my friends and famly
3. I want to torture myself
4. Etc etc

At that time I thought that this all is nothing but a farce, created to deter people from preparing. I tried a lot and never let that happen fully but still these colors did color in my life.

It is tormenting to have something inside your mind 24X7. What I did most during my cat journey was to think about it all the time. And it was not just cat but iims. I never dreamt of iims must say, coz I never knew how they looked like but just thought of the name.

But still thanx shetty for the warning.

 

Once someone had told me u need a good profile to get thru cat. And so I was there at IITs taking part in techfests, improving my pointers… Well I started with 7.22 in first sem and have come down to 8.4 cumulative and this thing naveen could never have done on his own. Thus there was someone who taught him this. There are many people who learn on their own but many infact most learn from their teachers. And here I got one in the form of a senior cum friend Ms. Arunima saboo. We first met at an IBC event for she was an executive member when I came in first year. She was the one who taught me the “Hardwork is indispensible” mantra. She was the one to teach me to be focused on your goal and the value of sacrifices. She once said to me if during exams skipping a meal and studying at that time makes me get to the top, I would rather miss 2 to make it sure I get to the top. She was a big support behind me preparing for IIT kgp s techfest during my second year when only a few people went and I had to stay back during holidays all by myself. She also guided me somewhat on design and once I made a design for magazine that never got published. But I and she both were proud of the idea of metamorphosis in it now that I think represents me.

 

DRISHTANT… my first love in this college…. This is how I describe it. No prizes for guessing that this is the place that decided how ‘d I spend my 4 years in the college and how would I grow. A place where I felt home, a place where I was happy. It handed me over my dreams, my aspirations, my ambition, my growth and everything. 

During my cat preparation there have been n number of times when I thought of cutting off from everyone for time was a problem , but everytime it came the turn of a D-event  to be missed I used to think “This is where it all started, this is where it all grew. This is the place that keeps alive the original naveen in me, It preserves him. This day if I don’t make it there and some day if I don’t make it to CAT the thing I ‘d regret the most is loosing everything….. even my own self. This is the least I can pay for my soul and this is least I can pay for myself…. Least I can pay for drishtant … my drishtant.” So never missed an event due to Cat.

 

Funky4

The best thing one can get is good companions but even in this I got the best of best. All 4 A top-ers were the part and parcel of my college life and my cat preparations. Doku Hitesh Ashir Anuroop all 4 of them were there when I needed them.. Infact they were also there when I didn’t need them [laugh ppl humor intended].

I still remember the days they were busy brushing up my negative thoughts and apprehensions, their refusal to acknowledge that I can perform bad, they defending me in front of others . This was coupled with the understanding and acceptance about us giving time to cat and the rescheduling of all our planz coz of that.

Its been enormous number of times that we had dinners at 10pm on feast days due to our cl classes. They [2 of them coz we 3 were in class] did suffer but never said so. If there s something I owe them for, there would be for that silent bond of understanding. Thanku

I also made a lot of friends during my preparation. both in and outside college. In and out of batch. During that phase only I came in contact with a lot of juniors too who became friends so fast that I could not believe in the speed. Among them were many who kept a constant track of my performance and well it seemed to me that my cat was becoming important to them coz for some reason they identify with something. DEJA-VU felt the same during pathik’s preparation, a senior who guided me a lot and with whom I identified myself and respect him for he was able to walk over a more difficult path. And specially that one i could never dare tread

Then also there s a friend who not only with the trust entrusted in me but by example setting became my inspiration. I always get inspired by hard working people and my elon is one of them.  The next arunima of my life who showed the way ahead and kept me on that. Yes a long and in fact critical period of my preparation went with me having her by my side. And yes Doku the decision seems to me to be right. I don’t know what the results are going to be but what I know is that some relations are born to strengthen a person and not weaken him… and this is one of them. Then there was also Surbhit too whom we had to run to just the day cat was done. I told u I ll come to indore once CAT is done right.

And ya back then when I was just running just after making profile good there came a person who brought me on the track. Mr. shailendra dondial my IA teacher [thanx shree and abhiram fr suggesting IA] , for he taught me the fact that written exam is important the most as per now. Otherwise I d b running after profile all the time.

It seems like those who ask get the best every time they ask for. CL was my home after IA and a good home it was. We had a blast from day1 till last in Cl and well a great contributor to my journey , Cl proved to be a good companion all through. I got everything at the correct time[except the management compass .. kyun Doku?]. Those long days studying in library , duals between me and sugandh in mamata mam’s class that stretched the classes by an hour, childish apprehensions, anil sir’s belief, Darpan sir’s bindassness, mamata mam threatening to slap me next time I said anything negative. I would never forget that last anil sir’s marathon that gave me 3 ques in cat.

There have been many times in cl when I felt important or was snubbed or was even hyped. I don’t remember the mock but I had got an All india rank. There was so much of it that I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t like the way ppl smiled but their eyes spoke of jealousy. I don’t know what happened after that but I fell from top and suddenly things were out of my hands.

This was the start. Welcome to paradise. This was in last 2-3 months. My scores dwindled — 1 mock I said its okay….2^nd  I ll try and do better….. 3^rd … I should try its possible….4^th  I should try hold up things now…5^th I am lost.

This was where my confidence started shaking and it was just a casual comment on my exam centre by dheeraj sir that St. Mary’s school…………. its lucky.

And well things turned their way. I don’t kno where the luck lies in st. mary’s or in my confidence within that was restored but it surely lies somewhere.

One thing I did , may be wrong or right I don’t know, is hiding my mock results from my parents coz I didn’t want to raise their hopes and in the end give them nothing. Lets see what happens but still the support and trust they entrusted me with rarely children get.

 

And as I say I got whatever was needed at the right time… last decemeber I had done an Art of Living course. I had gone there to improve profile but in the end improved something else. My own self. I seriously have no idea what would I have done to handle the immense stress I faced in last few months. May be would have simply cried it out to myself but there was a better way to handle it…. With a smile.  Thank god I received it at the right time , at the right place. I can never undermine sudarshan kriya’s contribution to my journey. Never.

I don’t know what brings me to write all this over here on my blog…… may be coz many people wanted me to write about my journey , but I would like to thank everyone who contributed for it was their journey too. And now that it was a successful journey.

A Time to Paint chapter 1: The DEAL

 

“So finally, how much you want?” asked the man with the golden watch around his left wrist “and by when?”

“250 crore excluding your commission” she said with the same strong expression in her eyes with which she has been killing her clients. “And of course as I told you before, by tomorrow evening”

“I am sorry madam but I still think you are asking for too much and that too in such a short time, its impossible.”

“Both of us know what I am asking for is much less than the value. And as far as time is concerned, that is why you are here, Chand Babu. Isn’t it your task to make it possible? That is why you are being paid.”

 “But…”

“So it is final now” she said in a strong voice with authority, standing up from the low stool she had been sitting on. This was when Chand noticed her face on which now fell the light of the moon outside, coming through a window placed high in the opposite wall ( brothels, usually don’t have low windows)

“But………still…..only one day………….Two hundred cro………not a small sum…..”

“Yes one day……and be grateful for that Chand babu. Now I think you must get to work Chand babu, you have a big deal to crack.” And she left without another word.

“Hmhhhh… considers herself smart” he said in an undertone.

Well 250 crore is not a problem the problem is, why is she selling all and why she is in such a hurry? Anyways 250 for a property of 1200 is not a bad deal

“So finally, how much you want?” asked the man with the golden watch around his left wrist “and by when?”

“250 crore excluding your commission” she said with the same strong expression in her eyes with which she has been killing her clients. “And of course as I told you before, by tomorrow evening”

“I am sorry madam but I still think you are asking for too much and that too in such a short time, its impossible.”

“Both of us know what I am asking for is much less than the value. And as far as time is concerned, that is why you are here, Chand Babu. Isn’t it your task to make it possible? That is why you are being paid.”

 “But…”

“So it is final now” she said in a strong voice with authority, standing up from the low stool she had been sitting on. This was when Chand noticed her face on which now fell the light of the moon outside, coming through a window placed high in the opposite wall ( brothels, usually don’t have low windows)

“But………still…..only one day………….Two hundred cro………not a small sum…..”

“Yes one day……and be grateful for that Chand babu. Now I think you must get to work Chand babu, you have a big deal to crack.” And she left without another word.

“Hmhhhh… considers herself smart” he said in an undertone.

Well 250 crore is not a problem the problem is, why is she selling all and why she is in such a hurry? Anyways 250 for a property of 1200 is not a bad deal

A Time to Paint: prologue

A widow and a courtesan…..How the two words came together?Sitting amidst the revelry she recalls that the words were not always together.And it was worse than this when they were not . She is beautiul, she is wealthy and powerful, beyond the limit people cant even imagine. She owns nearly half the Gadua, the colony of lights, love & amarketplace of beauties. But she still sells or say, she has chosen to. The drop that trickles down her cheek , speaks she has oceans in her hearts . She still remembers her first client, her first night. She remembered all this for so long but it never set off the seas of her eyes free, but today there was a letter & she can’t bear the pain. Yes she is alive, and she feels the pain. She always let life decide her fate,paint her destiny;but today she has taken the brush in her hand.She wants to change her destiny , it doesnt matter she can, or not. Today she has taken a decision…………………………………

Anyways another one

NOBODY TO GUIDE ME , NOBODY TO HELP ME
NOBODY WITH ME UP THE ROAD , NO FRIEND
NOBODY TO LOVE ME, NOBODY TO REMEMBER ME, 
NOBODY TO MISS ME, NOBODY TO MOURN OVER 
COZ I CANT SEE MY LOVED ONES CRY
PLEASE GOD UNLAMENTED LET ME DIE!!!!!!!!!

BLACK: my best 1

Black:
cant b evil, for the one in black doesnt know where he heads to
Black :
its the colour of my eyes ,for others when they r open, to me when they r closed,
Black:
its not the color of burnt, but the one that is capable to,those who burn to give light
Black:
is the color of white’s existence,light’s existence
Black:
is not the color of mourning,for the life begins in black

I wrote this while in my second yr

in dark………
i left my home 
i left people who meant a lot
lot to me …to my being

to learn somthing
something….how to fight
fight the dark 
fight the evil
and i learnt………

but i failed….
at each step ……
on every path
in every exam
i failed

but thats not the end …
fight i ll fight……..
coz i read smwhere
if theres smthin good in wrld
its worth fightin for
i ll fight 
for me doesnt get lost
smwhere in this shit
for i m not a looser 
i m just a warrior 
awaitin sucess

TIME HAS RIPEN ENOUGH 
ITS TYM TO STRIKE
INCREASE THE FLAMES MY MENTOR 
SO IT CD BE RED ENOUGH
FLAMES R POWERFUL 
AND SO IS THE STRIKE
BUT COMBO IS THE ONE 
THAT SETS IT RIGHT

SO GET GOING U DUMBHEAD